The Loss of a Cowboy

With everything else going on in my life at the moment - I received word that my Uncle passed away tonight. He has been battling cancer since he was diagnosed back in Jan of this year. He has been a trooper and have hung in there even after doctors gave up hope. He passed surrounded by his family and was a peace. I am not sure at the moment if I will be able to attend the funeral, but if not - I will be there in spirit.

I was three when my family moved from Georgia to Texas. Shortly after moving there we had a family get together at my grandparents. Being the youngest grandchild at the time - all the aunt and uncles were passing me back and forth between them. When I got to my Uncle Henry (as the story goes) I was star struck. He had on a cowboy hat and boots and to a little child look just like a real cowboy. I guess I asked him if he was a real cowboy because he was wearing a cowboy hat and from that moment on - he has and will always be my Uncle Cowboy (my nickname for him).

He is the second of five children my grandparents had and was a kind and gentle man. I remember many times spending the night at his house and playing with my cousin Kim. He worked for many years and even retired with the Texas Department of Transportation. I thought he was something listening to all the stories of him driving all the big heavy equipment.

Even though he put on a hard exterior - he was very gentle and kind. I remember once he was cutting wood for the winter and as he was cutting up a tree he found a squirrel nest and inside a baby squire. He lovingly built a cage and kept "Rocky" for many years in his backyard. He always had a garden of just about every veggie you could think of. He even had a small fruit orchard of peach and fig trees.

I loved my Uncle Cowboy and I will miss him. I know that his pain is no more and that he is in a better place. He is again perfect and reunited with my grandparents who preceded him. Just a week or so ago - he told my mom that he felt he was going to go any day and if there was anything that she wanted him to tell my grandparents. Even at the end of his life - he was always thinking of others.

So - here's to all the memories of Uncle Cowboy. He has left behind his wife Aunt Scooter a daughter Kim and two wonderful grandchildren, 14 nieces and nephews and a whole lot of lives touched. I shall miss you, but will always cherish my memories of you! Until we meet again - I love you!

Neighbors What Can You Say?

This entire week I've been working from home and it has been a nice change. It has been relaxing and well so unlike working in a hectic office. It's nice to look out the window and see blue sky, trees blowing in the wind and birds flying around. What wasn't nice was to notice a delivery truck bringing a new bed to the neighbors next door.

It wasn't so much the delivery, but when the neighbor decided to come outside and help bring in their new furniture. Now - I've seen this neighbor once, or twice and always with clothes on (slow down and let me set the scene) and a hat, so to much surprise I look up and see him walking across the yard (we live in a duplex). He had on pants, no shirt and hair that would make a monkey jealous a bald head with a ring of shaggy hair. I could have gone without seeing that. So my question is - what do people think when they step outside their homes?

So now as I look out at the beautiful blue sky, trees gently swaying and birds flying about - I still see the horror of my neighbor forever burned in my mind. I know you all could have gone without this visual, but I just had to share.

What is it with Mutual?

For those of you who don't know - I'm in YM presidancy in my ward and it has been both fun and a struggle over the past several months. The average age of our ward is 73 and I believe we've got a few members who remember when Brigham Young was prophet. There are very few young couples and fewer families with mutual age kids. On Sundays we have two young men who we can count on and the others - well it depends on what's going down at the skate park near by, or what show is playing at the dollar movie.

Mutual night though tends to be a little better, but it's still a struggle. When we started with opening exercises, the YW presidancy was there, the bishop, me and our Scoutmaster, three YW and one YM. Our kids tend to be a little rough around the edges because of our neighborhood, but I just don't get or understand why they don't want to come. I remember being a kid and looking forward to mutual night. Growing up outside of Utah it was about the only time you got to see your church friends other than Sundays. Maybe my leaders felt like they were forcing us to do things, but I remember telling them what we wanted to do, where we wanted to go camping and so on.

These boys could care less. All they want to know is if there is going to be food. Half the problem is many of these youth come from split member families, or their parents aren't even active, but encourage them to come. I just don't know what to do.

Tonight we had a planning meeting for the next three months with two boys, myself, the Scoutmaster and another member of the presidancy. We've got some fun things planned, but it's still going to be like pulling teeth for these boys to actually come. Last week for instance we had a joint activity with the YW at the park where we had pizza and played water games. It was a lot of fun and I must say - I was the wettest of anyone there! Half way through - one of the YM calls and asked if I'd come pick him up - which I did because I feel that's where they need to be. But I just don't get why these kids do not want to come to mutual, or church. It's super hard, so if any of you have advice that you can give - my ears are open. I'm sure it's a struggle in most wards now days with cell phones, computer games and all sorts of activities, but what can we do to help these youth realize that these are important times of their lives. Times where they'll look back and remember for the rest of their lives.

I so remember summer camp and the pranks Kimball and I would pull. I remember everyone trying to figure out who was up to it and no one suspected it was us. I remember tieing Basil Dulaney to his cot, carrying him out of his tent and then getting half way to the outhouse (where we were going to put him) and his cot folding right in half. I don't think Kimball or I have ran faster in our lives.

I remember shooting guns at the US Marshall gun range with Brother Ottie and Brother Smith. I remember campouts to Slipper Falls, Turner Falls and Camp Grayson. Survival campouts whre we ate dirt, leaves, bark and the last night chased a chicken, plucked it and ate it (that's the only animal I've ever killed on purpose - yes I had the honor of chopping its head off - wait do fish count?) . I remember making buddy burners and cooking pancakes on them, frying eggs and sausage. There are so many wonderful memories that I wouldn't trade for anything and I'm so grateful I had wonderful leaders who cared and did these things with us.

I just wished our boys would have as much energy and excitement about mutual as I did and as I think my friends had. I would hate for them to look back on their childhood, and teen years and not have some of the fun stories to tell, or share with their friends like I do. I hope it's not me, or any of the other men that make them feel like they're not welcome. How do you let someone know you want them there? How do you foster the support my leaders fostered when I was a youth. I'm still new to this calling and I hope I can be a leader the YM will look back on and will have fun memories of. I just wish I knew what to do to help them and to let them know I care. Until next time.

Cheers,
Ian

The Struggles of Life

We're all told time and again that life is never easy. We wave off the suggestions of loving parents as if they have no idea as kids and teenagers and at times as adult too. As old man time takes our moments from us never to return them - there comes times in our lives that lessons are learned. Some may be pretty easy and the lesson simple; however, there are those that are indeed larger than anyone could ever dream and though you may not be able to see the end - the lesson learned that much greater.



This is where I find myself at the moment - a larger than life lesson that seems larger at times than I could ever dream. At the moment the end seems so far and out of reach, but I know that I must stay strong and keep fighting for what is right.



This is my first post of my blog and I must say that it feels a little odd to vent in this fashion. For those of you who don't know - Kendra and I have separated back on the 15th and though things appeared we could mutually agree, things have turned ugly. Everyone says that no separation, or pending divorce is easy, but wow - I thought we could prove the world wrong!



A year ago if I knew the pain I'd be in this very moment - there is no way I would have said those famous words "I do." Maybe that is mean, but I would have rather made other memories regardless if they were good or bad than to have to deal with the hurt that I feel at this moment in time. So, yes - I would have saved myself from the pain, my family from the pain and Kendra and her family from the pain of having to go through this.



Many years ago - a wise woman once took me on a little walk and gave me one of the greatest life lessons I've had so far. Her lesson was about times in our lives when we must eat more humble pie in order to do what is right. Well sadly Marie Callendar's isn't running their "Annual" pie sale they have every few months, but dag - how much humble pie must one man eat to get through a trail in his life.



I don't want to make this post all about doom and gloom, but rather - I know there is an end in sight. There is hope, there is tomorrow and honestly for the first time in my life it's through the atonement of Jesus Christ that I can say is giving me the strenght to endure. Along with Christ's love for me, I am grateful for the outpouring of support from my many family and friends. Every coin has two sides and each it's on story. I hope over the coming days and months I can vent and share my side of the story. No, this will not be a bash session, or a blame game, but rather a place for me to reflect on me and my actions and how they have either inspired me for the better, or made me realize the error of my ways.



So - heres to my first and not my last. May my blog be filled with happiness from many wonderful adventures and memories (painless and painful) and I hope you all enjoy. Until next time.



Cheers,
Ian