How Much More Do I Have To Suffer?

Wow - I just don't know what more I can take at the moment. When it rains it pours. But damn - how much is one man supposed to endure? The last of June I lost my last living grandparent, just this past weekend I lost my uncle and tonight I received word that I have lost one of my best friends. Someone I admire, who I love and have had the honor of working with professionally twice over the years. She has been pillar of strength for me over the years and it just kills me inside to know she is gone. I just spoke to her later this afternoon about work and then of course about personal stuff. In a million years I would have never thought it would have been good bye. My last words to her were "I'll talk to you later." And of course her standard reply - "K-bye." I thought I hit rock bottom last Wednesday, but this has hit the ball out of the park. This is the lowest I have ever felt in my life and don't think I can get any lower. Because her family had no work numbers, I had to phone our bosses tonight and alert them and that was hard for me. I have cried almost solid for two hours now and I can't stop. It sucks sitting here in a house all by yourself hurting and knowing that not only is your own family hurting for the loss of my uncle, but now my friends family (who I am close to as well) is hurting and there is nothing I can do. I couldn't make it to my grandmothers funeral, or my uncles and I don't know if I can make it to Tammy's and that kills me even more. I know the Lord gives us trails to make us stronger, but the past several weeks I feel more and more like Job - every time you feel like you're getting back up something comes along and knocks the wind out of you. I just hurt. I've got some pictures of adventures Tammy and I had together over the years and I'll try and make a little slide show in tribute. Please to all my family and friends - more than ever I need your prayers for strength, prayers for my family and for Tammy's. This was so unexpected and the last thing I thought could ever happen. Thank you for your continued support - know I love you all. Be sure to tell everyone that is close to you that you love them after reading this because you never know when it may be the last time you do. Until next time.

Cheers & Tears,
Ian