New Job, New House, New Town, New Ward

Hey everyone - the past many weeks have been busy looking for work and I've not been blogging.  In any event I wanted to say we've moved to Alpine, Wyoming (about thirty minutes from Jackson Hole) and love it.  We're still getting used to the -13F days and snow, snow and more snow.  Our little town (population 550) is growing on us.  We're living less than 1/4 mile from the convergence of the Grey's, Snake and Salt Rivers all of which empties in the Palisades Reservoir (looking forward to fishing this summer).  We are surrounded by beautiful mountains with snow capped peaks and our backyard is only yards away from the national forrest.  We do, however; feel a little out of place.  We are (I'm almost sure of it) the only people in town without at least one four wheeler and snowmobile (snowmachine as they call it up here), but maybe in a year or two we'll have some toys.  So - come one and come all - the door is open and we'd love to have some visitors.  

So - if we don't speak, or see you in person before Christmas - Merry Christmas and have a happy and safe New Year.    

How Quickly Life Changes Directions -

Well just as the title says - life changes directions pretty quickly. This morning I had a meeting with my boss and was told that my job was being eliminated and that my last day would be Oct 31st. As I went back to my cube and sat and read the separation documentation I started to hear about others who were being laid off.

The blessing I feel that has come is that most of these people are being let go effective today, were as I'm still working for another two weeks. At the same time - I feel bad still sitting here knowing that my time is limited here and they are being walked out. I'm not sure just yet how many people have lost their jobs today, but there are about seven of us that I know of. We have an office out in CA, so I'm not sure how many of those folks were let go.

I know fully that as long as I continue putting my best effort forward that I will leave knowing that it was on good terms and that I've not left a mess for anyone to pick up. I'm looking at this as an opportunity to grow stronger from yet another trail in my life over the past two months. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. It's not for me to guess what that reason is, but to look at this as a growing opportunity and to learn from and become a stronger person.

I'm grateful for all the support of my friend and family and continue to be forever indebted to them. I get a quote each day from the Foundation for a Better Life and today's quote seems very fitting given everything that has happened and I leave that with you. Until next time.

Cheers,
Ian

“You are not here merely to make a living. You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand.” —Woodrow Wilson (1856-1924), 28th U.S. President

This was no cake walk!

Well some of you may not know, but I enjoy baking. My friends little girl was having a Princess Barbie party, so I told them I'd bake the cake. This cake ended up taking me about six hours to do and I thought I'd have it done in about three. Who was I kidding! My friends little girl just stared at the cake and even though I thought it was horrible, she loved it and that's all that matters really. She's six and I don't think she noticed all the mistakes like the top cake tier is uneven because the cake didn't release from the pan and that on the drive over (these pictures were taken after I got done) some of the towers fell off! It was good cake though I must say, but I don't think I'll be making this cake for a while!

My Look Back on 9/11

It is hard to believe that it has been 7 years since that tragic day in history. This day is one day I shall never forget as it is almost minute by minute ingrained in my memory. I was out in Exton, PA working for the week and had been there only two days. Just moments before - a co-worker who had just flown in the night before from NYC was showing me picture of the sun rise between the WTC towers taken from his hotel room. About that time we learned the first plane had hit.

The net was down and a few hours later - all communication (cell and landlines) were dead! I was only three hours away, but close enough they cut off all communication. I could not call home, or check on co-workers who were in NYC working at Goldman Sacs. We rigged a tv a co-worker ran home to get and watched the first tower come down. Stunned we watched for the next several hours not knowing what to say, or how to react.

As odd as it is - I have a connection to every event of that day and as far as I know - I'm the only one. All of this would come together over the next few days. A family from a ward I grew up in was returning from vacation from Portland, Maine and my friend Rick was sitting next to Mohammad Atta until they arrived in Boston where her boarded (Atta that is) the flight he would then pilot into the WTC.

The other plane to strike the WTC had a family on it that had Utah ties. They had just dropped off one of their twin daughters in Nauvoo, IL for a BYU study program and was roommates with one of the families from my mission that I kept in touch with. The mother and grandmother were returning back west from dropping the other twin off at school on the East coast.

My very first ward mission leader was a lawyer in the WTC as well as several of the clients of the company I worked for. All of whom were safe and survived that day.

Also a friend at the time lost her best friends mother who worked in the Pentegon and I ended up driving (because I couldn't fly home) back to CO and drove through Shanksville, PA where the last plane crashed on that day.

Needless to say - it is a day and week I shall never forget. I hope the war we have waged since has been worth the sacrifice of all lives lost. We can only pray that peace will prevail and one day we shall again be able to move freely without fear of someone attacking us. The events of this day seven years ago will always burn and be alive in my memory. I pray that the families of those effected by this day have been able to heal and move on and hang tight to the memories of their loved ones.

Each of us has our own story of this day and this is just a small part of mine. Until next time.

Cheers,
Ian

How Much More Do I Have To Suffer?

Wow - I just don't know what more I can take at the moment. When it rains it pours. But damn - how much is one man supposed to endure? The last of June I lost my last living grandparent, just this past weekend I lost my uncle and tonight I received word that I have lost one of my best friends. Someone I admire, who I love and have had the honor of working with professionally twice over the years. She has been pillar of strength for me over the years and it just kills me inside to know she is gone. I just spoke to her later this afternoon about work and then of course about personal stuff. In a million years I would have never thought it would have been good bye. My last words to her were "I'll talk to you later." And of course her standard reply - "K-bye." I thought I hit rock bottom last Wednesday, but this has hit the ball out of the park. This is the lowest I have ever felt in my life and don't think I can get any lower. Because her family had no work numbers, I had to phone our bosses tonight and alert them and that was hard for me. I have cried almost solid for two hours now and I can't stop. It sucks sitting here in a house all by yourself hurting and knowing that not only is your own family hurting for the loss of my uncle, but now my friends family (who I am close to as well) is hurting and there is nothing I can do. I couldn't make it to my grandmothers funeral, or my uncles and I don't know if I can make it to Tammy's and that kills me even more. I know the Lord gives us trails to make us stronger, but the past several weeks I feel more and more like Job - every time you feel like you're getting back up something comes along and knocks the wind out of you. I just hurt. I've got some pictures of adventures Tammy and I had together over the years and I'll try and make a little slide show in tribute. Please to all my family and friends - more than ever I need your prayers for strength, prayers for my family and for Tammy's. This was so unexpected and the last thing I thought could ever happen. Thank you for your continued support - know I love you all. Be sure to tell everyone that is close to you that you love them after reading this because you never know when it may be the last time you do. Until next time.

Cheers & Tears,
Ian

Wet Cold Labor Day Weekend

I must say it is hard to back in the office this week, but I can say I had a pretty good weekend. Saturday I hung out with my brother, sister-in-law and niece and went to Swiss Days up in Midway, Utah. It was typical art/crafts fair with a Swiss twist since they settled Midway. We burned a better part of the day up there, my neck and my legs, but it was fun to break away and be busy.

Sunday was a typical day, but in the evening a fun thunder storm moved in with a cold front. Thunder storms are rare here in Utah, so I shut off all the lights and opened all the windows and just listened to the thunder, watched the lighting and breathed in the clean air. It was very relaxing.

For the past five or six years, my brother Glenn has planned with some of his friends a Memorial Day golf scramble. When I woke up I thought we were doomed, but as we drove up the canyon to the golf course everything was clear (down in the valley it was over cast with some dark clouds north of us). We drew tees and made our teams and set out. For each hole we reached the dark clouds descended on us – making threats with crackling thunder in the distance. We persisted and by the 8th hole it started to sprinkle. Glenn pulled out his rain cover for the golf cart and as everyone huddled under trees, we sat in our dry golf cart. I felt bad and ended up standing outside with everyone else. After a while the rain didn’t let up, we all made a mad dash back to the club house. Everyone started ordering food and relaxing until it cleared then news came – it had been raining for over an hour in the valley and the golf pro told us it would be three hours until it cleared. So – we packed up and headed back down to the valley. I changed into some dry clothes and then headed over to Glenn’s to eat lunch and watch a movie and relax.

All in all – it was a very fun and relaxing Labor Day weekend. I hope you all had safe and fun weekends and until next time.

Cheers, Ian

The Loss of a Cowboy

With everything else going on in my life at the moment - I received word that my Uncle passed away tonight. He has been battling cancer since he was diagnosed back in Jan of this year. He has been a trooper and have hung in there even after doctors gave up hope. He passed surrounded by his family and was a peace. I am not sure at the moment if I will be able to attend the funeral, but if not - I will be there in spirit.

I was three when my family moved from Georgia to Texas. Shortly after moving there we had a family get together at my grandparents. Being the youngest grandchild at the time - all the aunt and uncles were passing me back and forth between them. When I got to my Uncle Henry (as the story goes) I was star struck. He had on a cowboy hat and boots and to a little child look just like a real cowboy. I guess I asked him if he was a real cowboy because he was wearing a cowboy hat and from that moment on - he has and will always be my Uncle Cowboy (my nickname for him).

He is the second of five children my grandparents had and was a kind and gentle man. I remember many times spending the night at his house and playing with my cousin Kim. He worked for many years and even retired with the Texas Department of Transportation. I thought he was something listening to all the stories of him driving all the big heavy equipment.

Even though he put on a hard exterior - he was very gentle and kind. I remember once he was cutting wood for the winter and as he was cutting up a tree he found a squirrel nest and inside a baby squire. He lovingly built a cage and kept "Rocky" for many years in his backyard. He always had a garden of just about every veggie you could think of. He even had a small fruit orchard of peach and fig trees.

I loved my Uncle Cowboy and I will miss him. I know that his pain is no more and that he is in a better place. He is again perfect and reunited with my grandparents who preceded him. Just a week or so ago - he told my mom that he felt he was going to go any day and if there was anything that she wanted him to tell my grandparents. Even at the end of his life - he was always thinking of others.

So - here's to all the memories of Uncle Cowboy. He has left behind his wife Aunt Scooter a daughter Kim and two wonderful grandchildren, 14 nieces and nephews and a whole lot of lives touched. I shall miss you, but will always cherish my memories of you! Until we meet again - I love you!

Neighbors What Can You Say?

This entire week I've been working from home and it has been a nice change. It has been relaxing and well so unlike working in a hectic office. It's nice to look out the window and see blue sky, trees blowing in the wind and birds flying around. What wasn't nice was to notice a delivery truck bringing a new bed to the neighbors next door.

It wasn't so much the delivery, but when the neighbor decided to come outside and help bring in their new furniture. Now - I've seen this neighbor once, or twice and always with clothes on (slow down and let me set the scene) and a hat, so to much surprise I look up and see him walking across the yard (we live in a duplex). He had on pants, no shirt and hair that would make a monkey jealous a bald head with a ring of shaggy hair. I could have gone without seeing that. So my question is - what do people think when they step outside their homes?

So now as I look out at the beautiful blue sky, trees gently swaying and birds flying about - I still see the horror of my neighbor forever burned in my mind. I know you all could have gone without this visual, but I just had to share.

What is it with Mutual?

For those of you who don't know - I'm in YM presidancy in my ward and it has been both fun and a struggle over the past several months. The average age of our ward is 73 and I believe we've got a few members who remember when Brigham Young was prophet. There are very few young couples and fewer families with mutual age kids. On Sundays we have two young men who we can count on and the others - well it depends on what's going down at the skate park near by, or what show is playing at the dollar movie.

Mutual night though tends to be a little better, but it's still a struggle. When we started with opening exercises, the YW presidancy was there, the bishop, me and our Scoutmaster, three YW and one YM. Our kids tend to be a little rough around the edges because of our neighborhood, but I just don't get or understand why they don't want to come. I remember being a kid and looking forward to mutual night. Growing up outside of Utah it was about the only time you got to see your church friends other than Sundays. Maybe my leaders felt like they were forcing us to do things, but I remember telling them what we wanted to do, where we wanted to go camping and so on.

These boys could care less. All they want to know is if there is going to be food. Half the problem is many of these youth come from split member families, or their parents aren't even active, but encourage them to come. I just don't know what to do.

Tonight we had a planning meeting for the next three months with two boys, myself, the Scoutmaster and another member of the presidancy. We've got some fun things planned, but it's still going to be like pulling teeth for these boys to actually come. Last week for instance we had a joint activity with the YW at the park where we had pizza and played water games. It was a lot of fun and I must say - I was the wettest of anyone there! Half way through - one of the YM calls and asked if I'd come pick him up - which I did because I feel that's where they need to be. But I just don't get why these kids do not want to come to mutual, or church. It's super hard, so if any of you have advice that you can give - my ears are open. I'm sure it's a struggle in most wards now days with cell phones, computer games and all sorts of activities, but what can we do to help these youth realize that these are important times of their lives. Times where they'll look back and remember for the rest of their lives.

I so remember summer camp and the pranks Kimball and I would pull. I remember everyone trying to figure out who was up to it and no one suspected it was us. I remember tieing Basil Dulaney to his cot, carrying him out of his tent and then getting half way to the outhouse (where we were going to put him) and his cot folding right in half. I don't think Kimball or I have ran faster in our lives.

I remember shooting guns at the US Marshall gun range with Brother Ottie and Brother Smith. I remember campouts to Slipper Falls, Turner Falls and Camp Grayson. Survival campouts whre we ate dirt, leaves, bark and the last night chased a chicken, plucked it and ate it (that's the only animal I've ever killed on purpose - yes I had the honor of chopping its head off - wait do fish count?) . I remember making buddy burners and cooking pancakes on them, frying eggs and sausage. There are so many wonderful memories that I wouldn't trade for anything and I'm so grateful I had wonderful leaders who cared and did these things with us.

I just wished our boys would have as much energy and excitement about mutual as I did and as I think my friends had. I would hate for them to look back on their childhood, and teen years and not have some of the fun stories to tell, or share with their friends like I do. I hope it's not me, or any of the other men that make them feel like they're not welcome. How do you let someone know you want them there? How do you foster the support my leaders fostered when I was a youth. I'm still new to this calling and I hope I can be a leader the YM will look back on and will have fun memories of. I just wish I knew what to do to help them and to let them know I care. Until next time.

Cheers,
Ian

The Struggles of Life

We're all told time and again that life is never easy. We wave off the suggestions of loving parents as if they have no idea as kids and teenagers and at times as adult too. As old man time takes our moments from us never to return them - there comes times in our lives that lessons are learned. Some may be pretty easy and the lesson simple; however, there are those that are indeed larger than anyone could ever dream and though you may not be able to see the end - the lesson learned that much greater.



This is where I find myself at the moment - a larger than life lesson that seems larger at times than I could ever dream. At the moment the end seems so far and out of reach, but I know that I must stay strong and keep fighting for what is right.



This is my first post of my blog and I must say that it feels a little odd to vent in this fashion. For those of you who don't know - Kendra and I have separated back on the 15th and though things appeared we could mutually agree, things have turned ugly. Everyone says that no separation, or pending divorce is easy, but wow - I thought we could prove the world wrong!



A year ago if I knew the pain I'd be in this very moment - there is no way I would have said those famous words "I do." Maybe that is mean, but I would have rather made other memories regardless if they were good or bad than to have to deal with the hurt that I feel at this moment in time. So, yes - I would have saved myself from the pain, my family from the pain and Kendra and her family from the pain of having to go through this.



Many years ago - a wise woman once took me on a little walk and gave me one of the greatest life lessons I've had so far. Her lesson was about times in our lives when we must eat more humble pie in order to do what is right. Well sadly Marie Callendar's isn't running their "Annual" pie sale they have every few months, but dag - how much humble pie must one man eat to get through a trail in his life.



I don't want to make this post all about doom and gloom, but rather - I know there is an end in sight. There is hope, there is tomorrow and honestly for the first time in my life it's through the atonement of Jesus Christ that I can say is giving me the strenght to endure. Along with Christ's love for me, I am grateful for the outpouring of support from my many family and friends. Every coin has two sides and each it's on story. I hope over the coming days and months I can vent and share my side of the story. No, this will not be a bash session, or a blame game, but rather a place for me to reflect on me and my actions and how they have either inspired me for the better, or made me realize the error of my ways.



So - heres to my first and not my last. May my blog be filled with happiness from many wonderful adventures and memories (painless and painful) and I hope you all enjoy. Until next time.



Cheers,
Ian